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1 heart/s in flatline | Our hearts run on empty

[12 Mar 2007|12:11pm]
This entire week has been crazy. I was with Jason like 24/7. He leaves friday morning. His parents were cool about letting me and sarah stay over all week. We drink too much..smoke too much...we'll probably die early. I got snakebites.... yeah my lips pierced twice... my mom slightly bugged out about getting work with them... and going to my cousins wedding and other things... so last night was the first night in a week that me and sarah slept in a bed. without other people in the room. Kelly is going to be manager of the Boathouse. and when she starts Sarah is quitting the Y and becoming her full time babysitter. It'll be interesting. That makes me babysitter by default too. anyways this week has been much to crazy. I'll give you a day by day or something...later...
I talked to Emily on the phone...like...3 times.


yes.

2 heart/s in flatline | Our hearts run on empty

[16 Feb 2007|02:12am]
So I felt like writing tonight... so i figured I'd recap the first two parts and then write a new piece to my spit out no punctuation or capitalization story that makes absolutely no sense.

so heres the first two parts and the new one:

PART I: PLANT A NAIL IN THE NAVEL STREAM

it's been three days since the echoes unceasingly filled this hallway i've become a shadow of myself sitting through the hunger and the days remembering when you told me you would never leave plucked like an icecicle you fell into a deep sleep bricks bounding off of your windows the swing of time eludes us here and collects to unravel at once like a carpet before our feet but your still sleeping in while the drunken carnivores dance up and down the stairways searching for the wasted smoke their swollen throats yield it's become common place as the waters swell and the cracks in your lungs fill with fluid the blonde beneath a blackened hair you sleep walk out of this place the stagnant air stirring no sedatives keep you slumbering as your feet push the ground out from under you our eyes meet swing the shovel and take your place crawl further into the mirror of tangled intervals this is real for the first time feel for yourself what the rest of your kind have felt for days and remember the stink of flooded basements in flourescent light with yourself and the coldest concrete to this day do you wake to the same artificial stale flavors with your processed air and smokestacks the burning taste of your cigarettes like a dream of something wonderful something wonderful that bled dry boiled over and spilt turned rancid and maggot ridden the space where dreams hover in the dim neon lights and die as you bleed from your wounds screaming for it to end it never ends nothing consumes everything the clicks overlap through the dialtone you smell the burning decay of ideas it throbs and pusses spewing out the remnants the scar remains bleached and fighting infection it thirsts for the air like you once did you discard the notion that what youre seeing is real tell yourself to wake up our eyes meet still sitting in this hallway where the echoes have subsided its been three days in this bunker of sorts bleeding but together i've never hungered more as you blink strobe lights ignite the spaces every inch of skin crawling every pore leaking you can taste the thickness in the air as the sweat descends condensation leaks from the bulbs now wading through chest deep leeched to your neck with time on a backspin and no end in sight collect the stamps of your life maybe we were wrong maybe the reality we left behind the trees sway in silent winds that bring no relief as humid summer heat fears the knife slides back and forth was this my dream bleeding from the umbilicus you drove the dagger deeper forcing my eyes open but i did not look your voice rang through the room reminding me to feel with the impulses carry my synapses across time bomb wired axon terminals to the neuron breathe the oxygen in and release under the pressure your chest will cave but keep pushing up once you reach the surface it only takes twelve minutes to stop keep the percentage to yourself like waves that bounce back the crest reaches dry land last as you ride the sensation of knowing nothing is really real capture your moment like a snapshot snuff film in the basement and surely breathe the compounds in scratch your surface a little more so the red flows up from the blisters disregarding the follicle you smile a moment of feeling flickers in your eyes then ebbs back out into a frown you push the envelope and dig holes in your face snapping the crisp water and breaking the surface i spin half peel the retina as to look thoroughly over you i stagger at the magnificence you show and kick the gallows loose of their hold half shuddering half stuttering we stare off into the white void that dims our vocal chords convulsing quivering in our turbulence the wash basin spills over and we twist from eachother as knots in my stomach choke the spit from my cheeks buckle under the strain and bleed myself alive there is no fear here only confusion and i pray it subsides pyrotechnics at hand pick up the telephone and call the ambulance


PART II: BLEEDING OUT THE MESSAGE

he staggered across the room as swift as a switchblade i stood half stepped stuttering as to view the administration the stink of anesthesia inebriating our senses swinging open the case like eyelids and trembling to find he carries to you the inoculation the hypodermic carries you deep into your own euphoria anoxia bleeds up through the floorboards like oil splintering and igniting one by one the frames slide like memories that throb in and out of existence now stumbling over myself and choking down the pills i cross the room in a paced murmur the stale taste growing on my tongue as the fluorescence burns brighter and brighter with eyes closed i stumble closer and breathe the smoke off your skin you flinch and writhe on the floor then kick distance up and yourself out away you are not here your face blanches lips quivering as you thrust a twisted arc into your spinal column this ride numbing your perceptions how many days has it been the days slide in and out and in and out screaming for rain for any form of relief the floor spinning the sway of our lives faster and faster this time i need my rest you slip under slide out against and release as the gradual spin of the room rotates slower and remotely pauses you open the door aching your lips spew fireflies swollen and draining from your kiss hands shake as you clutch at your face trembling and contorting this isnt real this never happened now wading across oil flooded floorboards you inebriate my senses and choke a smile upon my face collapsing next to me as your conciousness fades out again the beast has risen now his colors show the scent of fear leads a trail of bodies behind locked doors stirring the memories you once held he bleeds them into me on the staircase you sleep the shift into neutral pluck the nails from my fingers and plant them deep bury them in the navel stream the pitch peaks as i slide closer for some kind of relief back swing upchucks my senses into this darkness i've been bleeding for days you've been sleeping for nights the ideas i bounce out of my throat to you are incomprehensible unintelligible compared to your you project such promises so i disregard the disregard staring into my face you shake and sob wretching in this hole we've found ourselves in dull the spewing hum of heating ducts the copper taste again as red soaks your gums smile you've been scratching the smell stirs my sleeping cerebrum choking my stomach i spit out the hunger but the taste fills your mouth the chemicals this room looks alright to me facedown and breathing the fluids scribbled across the back the dust and charcoal half step into the hall spill the bowels and then fumugate you've got an infestation three centimeters from the floor i kick twist the notice you've been stealing glances our eyes meet for the third time and i hear you communication then slowly consciousness wanes into the air the stagnant air its been how many days stuttering my self steps in this warehouse focus and motor functions diminish you've seen my insides and i've seen yours sliver up and splinter bleeding out your message the humidity has gotten to us again as we tangle into eachother knotting more and more weld your conciousness to mine our eyes meet i taste your air and shiver sweating bullets of lead tear me apart perspire unravel remember the time outreaching hands through the clock face our fingertips touch briefly then push through eachother distanced closer than you or i can perceive inertia callousing your skin far from sterile you spit back at me you reel back and pitch to the left i feel you the tension distracts myself from the pain and i close my eyes close open close open close i know this is nowhere near over yet


PART III: DISSECTIONS & DAYDREAMS

i exhale the taste of your skin and drag myself up across the room spitting consciousness in dribble that suspends from my kiss like an elegant circus act i taste the copper rust and stagnant water the units marching across the face you spin yourself in a dizzying pace stuttering at the hues the sun leaves across the surface no one hears us no ones near someones laughing somewhere aphasia stabs downward at the cortex speechless swiftly spiraling out to the ends the room shudders and collapses unto itself blackout my eyes open to the spilling purple hues of sunset then crescendo into a pool of black night crippling you as you stagger backwards inebriation is a blessed thing i feel out the stethoscope the contents of your stomach spill like a spigot blackout a soft breeze carries the notes of nothingness to my ears i cover my head to block out the ringing echoes of nothing repeatedly time spins back to you digging holes in floorboards splintering fingernails you scream silence carving out the consciousness the scalpel carries you to sleep i touch you in your transient state night bleeds into night as slumbering giants stir kickstart the sawing sound you jump out of your dreams back to this dream of reality and glance at me for what seems like hours the sharp sounds of metal on metal the cold concrete feel like the crawl of knife on skin shiver its been three days in this place echoes without sound speech without syllables pivot back and forth on foot pacing orange floods across the sky as a storm stirs i shudder stuttering to myself in broken tongues leaning and releasing the smoke from my lungs raising your arms you grab at the endless space above yourself and strain to comprehend the possibility of the end grey lazily slides across the countertops collapsing to the ground folds of red light intertwine and release as the smoke blends softly into the atmosphere then the flash of light brighter than ive ever seen you spew forth with empty vocals chords at the blinding flash as the corneas burn this image imbedded welded to our souls arching the twitch as you convulse on the floor and it ends naked and starved i feel the crackling of retinas as i try to perceive this nightmare red and grey day into night into day red and grey then vision slowly restores itself pushing off headfirst and flailing at the limbs the ground rides up with such force as to shake the consciousness from my mind open blinking strobes of phosphor i kick the intake clutching grabbing at the empty thoughts of existence experience nothingness logic and reason numbness spitting ideas of a dying civilization theories extinction and evolution ice caps shattering into salt water photosynthetic convalescence you spit back at me gouging my eyes from the socket breathing the fire from our throats thawing this decayed cadaver its been three days since the echoes subsided in this hallway silence piercing you and me this unending nightmare dreaming a reality of shades and hues with no colors breathing shattered glass and pesticide i kick up the cloud and seat myself for the next chapter to unfold unblinking i assume youre ready

2 heart/s in flatline | Our hearts run on empty

[09 Feb 2007|02:02pm]
well... it is officially Friday.

I have.. drawing homework to get done...(still lifes ick)
I have.. an essay for Comp. due on tuesday... (ick)
I'll probably wait til last minute to get that done.

I don't get to see Sarah all weekend.. because were "finishing" the basement. My dad always comes up with these great plans that never ever ever happen in the end.(ick)

Thank God my parents leave next week and I get the house to myself...

Me and my baby and the pugs.

So anyways I've been organizing all of the music I have on my computer.. this is a tremendous feat I must tell you..

Once I get it all organized I figure I'll put a list up of everything I have and if anyone wants something its yours.

soooooooooo much music.. ughhhhhhhhhhh

5 heart/s in flatline | Our hearts run on empty

[29 Jan 2007|08:19pm]
So last night was pretty much crazy...

Me and Rachel went to Stop 'N shop to buy food for her new "diet" and wound up getting a bottle of Pom & peach white tea... and that was it. Oh and we saw Tom Ruck in there. (Its the TOM RUCK TECHNO!)
Then we went to the gas station for batteries and met up with Alex, Tiara, and Liz at Mcdonalds. The whole time shes screaming to Erica Hill... who finally came over and talked to me about power rangers for like...3 minutes. (Thank you Rachel...loser) Then we went outside and watched Rachel attempt to smoke her second cigarette in her life.. and it was the funniest thing I've ever witnessed. After that we decided to just go for a ride in Rachel's jeep and wound up at some random driveway in Massachusetts. Then we stopped at D&D's and this girl Krysten? gave us free food and coffee and after that we wound up at some random school...so Rachel could swing on the swings... and she fell off and like broke her had or something.. and had bloodblisters and like chunks of wood in her hair.
So we decided to go to Friendly's....We got two things of Waffle Fries and a munchie mania thing.... and coloring books and crayons... and after the food we ordered the mega huge fuckin ice cream thing to share. and i couldnt deal with it haha. and so I stole a huge spoon and we left and didnt tip the waitress...(Tiara was buying)
So Rachel like peeled out of the driveway before Tiara was in the car and she almost went flying out the door and was like holding on for dear life. It was pretty hilarious. the rest of the night everyone refused to get out until Rachel turned the car off. Uhmmm.. then we went to Cumby's for Slushies. rock.

Then I came home...and Sarah came over.

and it was a good night.

2 heart/s in flatline | Our hearts run on empty

[27 Jan 2007|03:18am]
I dont even have the words...to describe how I feel right now.

This was the best ending to what was shaping up to be a terrible day...
and I'm sure all weekend is going to be hell. But at least I have you to talk to. You keep my mind off the bad things and keep me looking toward the future.

Its amazing.
How long has it been? Seriously? Five years?
Im so glad I know you, even tho I dont know you, but I do know you, you know?(hahaha)
Im so thankful for you...gahhhhhhhh....

Im gonna be thinking about you and our conversation all night.

With you on my mind...

4 heart/s in flatline | Our hearts run on empty

[26 Jan 2007|01:47pm]
life..life....life...

hmmm. what to write about.
classes are officially in full effect. I dont know if thats good or bad yet.
I have alot of people I wish I could see/need to see/ want to see.

Im constantly tired now. But I still can't sleep.
Music is one of the only things that keeps me going.

Today is fucking freezing out.
-30 windchill can kiss my ass.

whatever I dont know what to write so I guess Im out for now.

4 heart/s in flatline | Our hearts run on empty

[16 Jan 2007|05:30pm]
CLASSES FOR THIS SEMESTER ARE AS FOLLOWS:

Intro to Computer Graphics - Mon & Wed:5-6:40
Drawing 1 - Mon & Wed: 3-4:40
Composition(again...ick) - Tues & Thurs:5-6:15
General Psychology 1 - Tues:6:30-9:10

sweet.
no math.

Our hearts run on empty

[15 Jan 2007|07:38pm]
babysat the twins on saturday...

sat at berkshire south for four hours on sunday... then over to garretts. which was a goodtime. saw Bomb Bindler whom I havent seen in a while. Watched Sin City, Grandma's boy, and the Chronicles of Gnarlia thanks to Andrew....which is a fairly sick snowboarding video with alot of footy from local mountains.
then back to Sarah's for the night. We watched hostel. Carmen called my cellphone at 3:46 in the morning.

Woke up today to Jesse tapping away at the keyboard... Had a dentist appointment at 2:30. My back is killing me...

Im bored. call me with plans haha.

1 heart/s in flatline | Our hearts run on empty

[06 Jan 2007|11:16am]
one more week....

Our hearts run on empty

[28 Dec 2006|10:52pm]
So my Christmas wasn't too bad. I got to spend 5 days with Sarah..and she's coming over tonight too. We rode up to New York with my mom and the pugs. Which was cool cuz we didn't have to drive and waste gas money and toll money..(my mom has an ez pass). So we were in New York from the 23rd to the 26th. I got an external hard drive. Which I really needed cuz my computers a piece.. and an alarm clock for my ipod and alot of other little stuff. I got Sarah this really expensive shiney bracelet(I know nothing about jewelry so as long as its shiney and cost alot...)that she loved and a Jack Daniel's sweatshirt. Then we came back to Connecticut and since Sarah's family is in Utah I stayed over for two nights to keep her company. We hung out with Jason alot who's home from the air force until the 2nd and went to the Le Special cd release party at the Morrison Art Gallery..which was pretty fuckin awesome.
Spent all day on Wednesday filling Jason's Ipod with music for him to bring back to Texas. Then I had a checkup appointment for my teeth today. The doctor said that theyre doing fine but I need to go back in one week. I need to change the appointment tho... I'm going to be in New York working with my uncle for two weeks...we're doing night work at a new nursing home and hopefully we'll get it finished up pretty good. Its gonna really fuck with my sleeping schedule though working all night. And then when I get back I have to go to late class registration cuz I missed the first early registration. So my plates pretty full right now. I'm trying to see Sarah as much as I can in the next 3 days before I leave for two weeks. Thats pretty much whats up... Habitat for Humanity work after the two weeks in New York possibly. Depends on whats going on... I hate Habitat in the winter. Its too cold to be doing that shit.

anyways. hope you all had a wonderful holiday. and happy early new years... to everyone.

Im out.

1 heart/s in flatline | Our hearts run on empty

let a piece of myself die.... [20 Dec 2006|09:08pm]
So yeah.

this song pretty much amplifies the shitty mood I have been in lately.

I’d arrest you if I had handcuffs
I’d arrest you if I had the time
I’d throw you down in the backseat
As if you'd committed a terrible crime

I'd break in a town's worth of houses
And rob whole families blind
I’d do it to you like you'd do it to me
If you knew you would get away fine

I’d drown all these crying babies
If I knew that their mothers wouldn’t cry
I’d hold them down and I’d squeeze real soft
And let a piece of myself die

It’s hard to be the better man
When you forget you’re trying
It’s hard to be the better man

I’d arrest you if I had handcuffs
I’d arrest you if I had the time
I’d wait for you outside the courtroom
and taunt you when all your appeals were declined

I’d drive my car off of a bridge
If I knew that you weren’t inside
With the pedal to the floor, who could ask for a more
fantastic way to kill some time

You could lay on your back and be beaten
You could put up your fists and fight
You could try and be way off

It’s hard to be the better man
When you forget you’re trying
It’s hard to be the better man
When you’re still lying

It’s hard to be the better man
When you forget you’re trying
It’s hard to be the better man
When you’re still lying
You’re still lying


its called handcuffs and its by brand new.

i suggest you listen to it now.

5 heart/s in flatline | Our hearts run on empty

[18 Dec 2006|12:08am]
Heres to stupid people that do stupid shit that effects our lives.
What are we trying to accomplish?...

Fuck you for being so dumb. Youre not even thinking of the future.
or maybe you just think that everything falls into place like its supposed to?

you need to work for what you want.
fuckin figure it out.


anyways....

i got a nice new sweater.
and watched Jesse try on every single article of clothing in Kohl's.

4 heart/s in flatline | Our hearts run on empty

[08 Dec 2006|06:06pm]
So me being the huge Minus The Bear fan that I am...

as soon as i saw that their new remix album leaked I had to download it.

and i would just like to say that it is fucking incredible. Its done pretty much perfectly.

Considering that Bloc Party's last remix album practically ruined Silent Alarm for me I was impressed with how well this one was done.

If anyone wants a copy. I'll send it to ya. just leave me a message...or something.

3 heart/s in flatline | Our hearts run on empty

majorly kickass.... [25 Nov 2006|05:58am]
[ mood | sore ]

the new brand new album... the devil and god are raging inside me.

the new bloc party album... a weekend in the city.

dustin kensrue's solo album... please come home.

teppei from thrice's new band and album black unicorn... get sick

the shins new album... wincing the night away.

4 heart/s in flatline | Our hearts run on empty

Ugh [24 Oct 2006|12:36am]
So I went to the doctors today because my left lymphnode has swollen up to about the size of a baseball and i can't move my neck.

they started me on azithromycin and i have to go back tomorrow to get blood work done to see if i have mononucleosis.

IM PISSED.

2 heart/s in flatline | Our hearts run on empty

soooooo shitty. [21 Oct 2006|07:51am]
so yeah. i didnt mean to hurt you by letting her wear that shirt.
she needed a shirt. it was one time.
yeah im with her right now.
its not like your not with someone.
but anyways...

i really didnt mean to hurt you.
that shirt has been basically untouched up to that point.
it was like a shrine or something.
im sorry i hurt you.
and i guess ill just stop trying.
if thats really what you want.


i dont know what to say.

2 heart/s in flatline | Our hearts run on empty

kemosabe. [18 Sep 2006|01:09pm]
[ mood | sick ]

Well lets see.
Friday. Webster Theatre. Gym Class Heroes:
we showed up about an hour early. and were waiting outside by kiss 95.7's booth.
and they were playing games for meet and greet passes.
And they decide to do a eating contest.
and Jason is like. Im gonna do it.
and he does it. and he wins.
so they give him two ticket looking things and take our names down.

so we get inside and were watching Matador play in the underground for a bit.
then we decide to go and figure out how to use the meet and greets.
and we talk to the security guy and it turns out theyre just regular tickets. and i had just bought kristen and jasons tickets. i was like fuck you kiss 95.7 youre a shitty radio station anyways.

The first band up on the main stage was Patent Pending. They pretty much rocked.

Then after that were these two rapper guys called Hangar 18. I didnt much care for their whole deal...but there is an interesting twist ill tell you about later.
so after hangar 18 finished cobra starship came on. and everybody went fucking nuts. and they were pretty fuckin good. Travie made a guest appearance too.

Then while the techs were setting up for GCH. everyone started pushing up. and we were right in the front in the middle. So we all got pinned to everyone around us and it was like a sweaty man pit.
Then they played. They opened with the Queen and I. it was awesome. I almost pee'd myself.

then. Saturday. i went to Sarah's house.
Her dad dropped us off at the Chance to see who?
Gym Class Heroes.
We were a little late and they were sold out of tickets so we walked down to the waterfront and the hudson valley arts festival was going on. The Wailers were playing. They had fireworks. I saw Nick Noyse.
Then we went and got pizza and decided to walk back to the chance.
So we get back and the fat white dude from Hangar 18 is outside.
so I go over and start talking to him.
and I told him I saw him last night in Hartford and that they were pretty good and what not.
and hes like. pretend to be my cousin. I'll try to get you two in.
It worked.
so I got to see GCH again.

and they rocked the fuckin house both nights.

and then i spent the night at Sarahs and we went to Jasons going away party the next day which sucks.
Im gonna miss the motha fuckin kid way too much.

shoot me.

so now i think im getting sick which isnt good.
i dont know what im gonna do. i need to sleep alot i guess.
i have a shitload of class work to do too.
fuck

1 heart/s in flatline | Our hearts run on empty

blah blah blah [15 Sep 2006|01:07pm]
[ mood | anxious ]

Tonight Jason, Kristen, my brother and I are going to see the Gym Class Heroes at the Webster.
Im stoked.
uhmmmm.
So Kayo Dot's show at Metropolis was fucking amazing.
I fell in love with their music instantly. I suggest you all check them out theyre very orchestraish, deep, epic rock on kick ass style.
I saw Jenn Vaughn at the kayo dot show and Carissa Unite.

Im going to ask Dan to special order me the Novi Split full length. cuz i pretty much dig all of their tunes too.

Lets see.... classes.
Perspectives on Humanities is pretty much my favorite.
1st Year Experience pretty much sucks.
Math is too easy.
Comp is Comp. you write alot.

anyways yeah.

Did i mention im stoked for GCH tonight?

2 heart/s in flatline | Our hearts run on empty

[19 Aug 2006|02:00am]
[ mood | tired ]

So tonight, Jason and Kristen and I went to the show at Metropolis.
We met Gillian, Alanna and Joey there.
Oh and Ben Lancto. Randomly.
But Gill, Alanna, Joey and I left before the first band finished their first song.
We went to taco bell and then to KB toys.
Then we went back and saw about 5 songs from the second band Limbs.
Met up with Andy Lundeen too.
The band was pretty decent were pretty decent.
Afterwards I got two cds from them and we all went to Friendly's.
Not a bad night at all.

Our hearts run on empty

The sickness of sleep... [19 Aug 2006|01:30am]
[ mood | sleepy ]

Sleep doesn't come to me anymore.
It passes me over.
Insomnia surrounds me.
With its day long daze.
I stumble through my nights.
I watch her sleep.
I guess this lack of sleep has shown me her real beauty.
When her eyes are closed and deep in dreams.
I'll lie awake and witness.
...and i guess i can deal with it.
Like a flower grows in the cracks of pavement.
Frail and starving for water.
But beautiful in itself.
I'll capture that feeling forever.

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